Thatz me !!

My photo
"There is no after to happiness. Happiness is now !" - Jeffery Gitomer

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

As we grow up ...

As we grow up,
We learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast,
and You'll eventually lose someone you love.




So take too many pictures, 
laugh too much, 
and love like you've never been hurt

because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

The Cold Within!

The Cold Within - Poem by James Patrick!


Six humans trapped by happenstance
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third man sat in tattered clothes;
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store.
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy poor.

The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death's still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.


Forgiveness !





A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE." They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE." The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

The happy marriage is the me marriage !!

Article by Tara Parker-Pope, New York Times, Updated: January 08, 2011 10:49 IST




A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage. Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children, religion or other practical reasons.

But for many couples, it's just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage.

"The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress - those are the things that allow it to last or not," says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. "But those things don't necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual."

The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn't marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?

For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.

Dr Aron and Gary W Lewandowski Jr, a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called "self-expansion." Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.

To measure this, Dr Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?

"If you're seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position," he explains. "And being able to help your partner's self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself."

The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn't just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.

The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love. In research at the University of California at Santa Cruz, 325 undergraduate students were given questionnaires five times over 10 weeks. They were asked, "Who are you today?" and given three minutes to describe themselves. They were also asked about recent experiences, including whether they had fallen in love.

After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.

"You go from being a stranger to including this person in the self, so you suddenly have all of these social roles and identities you didn't have before," explains Dr Aron, who co-authored the research. "When people fall in love that happens rapidly, and it's very exhilarating."

Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other - and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.

In experiments by Dr Aron, participants rated themselves and their partners on a variety of traits, like "ambitious" or "artistic." A week later, the subjects returned to the lab and were shown the list of traits and asked to indicate which ones described them.

People responded the quickest to traits that were true of both them and their partner. When the trait described only one person, the answer came more slowly. The delay was measured in milliseconds, but nonetheless suggested that when individuals were particularly close to someone, their brains were slower to distinguish between their traits and those of their spouses.

"It's easy to answer those questions if you're both the same," Dr Lewandowski explains. "But if it's just true of you and not of me, then I have to sort it out. It happens very quickly, but I have to ask myself, 'Is that me or is that you?' "

It's not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviours that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.

All of this can be highly predictive for a couple's long-term happiness. One scale designed by Dr Aron and colleagues depicts seven pairs of circles. The first set is side by side. With each new set, the circles begin to overlap until they are nearly on top of one another. Couples choose the set of circles that best represents their relationship. In a 2009 report in the journal Psychological Science, people bored in their marriages were more likely to choose the more separate circles. Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom. "People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person," Dr. Lewandowski says. "If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship."

Not To Make The Best Speech You Will Ever Regret !

From my personal experiences with people I have learnt that the first casualty of anger is your tongue !!
Watch How You React !!
We have all been there, when someone says or does something that just gets to you so bad, you start feeling that word vomit coming up and sometimes once it starts you can't stop or maybe you are just so upset you don't want to stop it. You start reacting and saying things that on any normal given day, you wouldn't dream of saying. However, you are angry, you are mad, your blood is boiling, you are thinking how dare they think they can get away with that. You are not one to be messed with and you are going to put them in their place.

Problem with that is, sometimes what was said or done, may not be as bad as we think it was, or maybe it wasn't even true. Maybe the other person was having a bad day, maybe you were having a bad day. 

As much as you may feel better getting it off your chest I urge you Not To Make The Best Speech You Will Ever Regret.

Simple Techniques
The following are a few simple techniques you can use to make sure that when you talk, you are calm and that you have thought over the situation and are ready and able to talk in a civilized manner, lose the attitude, and say things that get your point across, but are not damaging to yourself or the other person

* Take a deep breath
* Ask for clarification on what was said or done
* Walk away from the situation (it's alright to leave the situation sometimes)
* Count to 10, 20, 30, even 100 if you have to (just don't do it to loud the person may get a little nervous)
* Write out your thoughts, read them over, usually you will realize at that point if something sounds mean and nasty to say to someone
* Think hard, decide whether or not it is worth to even say anything at all
* Relax those tensed up muscles
* Speak in a regular tone, don't yell, or give someone too much attitude (often it's not what you say but how you say it)

Use whatever technique that works for you, maybe it will be a combination of a few that will help you to say what you need to say without regretting what you say !!

Remember only you have the choice to decide if you are going to make the greatest speech you will ever regret.

Travel Partners !!

This is an article I had come across and I loved it so very much !! 




What is it about travel that can turn even your dearest friends into penny-pinching, obsessive-compulsive freaks? Have a look at some of them !!

1. The 'everything is better back home' travel partner
The beaches of southern France you're visiting? "Not as good as Queensland's." The beer in Belgium? "Not as good as VB or Coopers." The Rocky Mountains? "They're not that much bigger than the Snowy Mountains, are they?" The nightlife in Paris? "I reckon Sydney's got better clubs and the drinks are much cheaper." 
No matter where you go on this planet, nothing will top home for this irritating travel partner. But the best part is you get to hear them tell all your friends back home how much better everything was overseas.

2. The 'I don't care, whatever you want to do is fine' travel partner
This travel partner might be ideal — if they actually existed. But the two things you'll find about this travel partner are (a) they do care; and (b) whatever you want to do is not fine. 
They'll be happy to let you plan everything while insisting everything sounds great, 'till they get there. Then you'll find everything you planned and booked will be dissected and ridiculed.

3. The over-packer travel partner
This travel partner reminds you of your dear little grandmother as they carefully unpack the entire contents of their (typically) oversized suitcase or backpack at every hotel or hostel you stop at. The thing is, you never wanted to travel with your grandmother. Watch valuable hours disappear in exotic, far-off lands as you sit and watch your travel partner repack their clothes into a bag they just emptied at 11pm the previous night.

4. The tight-arse travel partner
Sure, they earn $100,000 a year but they'll take you on a 5km walk in 40°C heat to save two dollars on a bus ride. They'll make you wait as they spend 20 minutes haggling in Kuta Beach to save three cents, then spend the rest of the day boasting about it.
The tight-arse travel partner comes in two varieties:
The tight-arse travel partner who's tight from the moment they land.
The tight-arse travel partner who slowly begins a road to Tight-Arse Central. They'll remark how cheap everything is on arrival, but within days, even hours, you'll spend the rest of your holiday in seedy bars kilometres from the beach because the beers are five cents cheaper.

5. The partner travel partner
They can be the greatest companion of all time — or they can be the worst travel partner ever. Let's face it, we don't get to spend that much time with our partners. By the time we go to work, see our friends, wash the car, mow the lawn and walk the dog there's barely time for a hello and goodbye before you turn off the lights. 
Now you have to spend 24 hours a day with this person, seven days a week. Are you sure you're ready for that?

6. The over-planner travel partner
Okay, so this person might be better than the 'I don't care' travel partner, but only just. While they were anything but lazy in the lead-up to your big trip away, you'll wish they didn't spend quite so much time planning every second of every day of your time away. The travel planner will take all the spontaneity and sense of adventure out of your big trip abroad. Opportunities for untold hedonistic pleasures will go by the wayside as you sit on that tourist bus in Rome. But don't bother explaining, they'll be busy reading the Lonely Planet website for updates.

7. The scaredy-cat travel partner
Sure, it's smart to be safe — particularly if you're females travelling alone — but you didn't think travel was quite so dangerous 'til you travelled with this person — and you're only in New Zealand! 
Suggest a night out in Buenos Aires and you'll be told of a tourist who died there in 1976. Suggest a restaurant off the beaten track in Morocco and you'll be sliced up like shish kebabs by a crazed Muslim (because it happened once in Iran).
This person may just save your life — but by this stage it might've been judged mercy killing, anyway.

8. The dirty travel partner
Not everyone needs to be tidy as they backpack through South-East Asia, but this travel partner takes it to the next level. They won't take the opportunities to wash clothes or themselves, preferring instead to collect the various stains and smells of each country they visit as some sort of sick traveller trophy, mixed in with the increasing stink emanating from their own body. 

9. The embarrassing travel partner
It's funny how you didn't notice your friend was a raving racist, homophobe, nymphomaniac, alcoholic or drug-abuser 'til you leave for a world holiday. And by this time, of course, it's far too late. You might be prepared to overlook your friend's drunken gaffes when you're part of a social group at home but it's different now there are just two of you making new friends. You're only now realising the things you'd overlooked because you've known your friend for 20 years. Remember, others haven't.

10. The sickly travel partner
Just the buzz of a mosquito is enough to send them into a malaria-induced fever and McDonald's in London is enough to bring on the kind of Bali-belly symptoms not seen on that island since the '70s. This travel partner falls into two categories:
1. The genuinely ill. While slightly less frustrating than the other type, they'll destroy your travel plans and ambitious treks will be foregone for endless days killing time near hotels.
2. The hypochondriac. They'll know every disease going in every country you visit. Incredibly, they will catch every single one of them.

Hope you enjoyed reading this one as much as I did, any of you had any specific experiences with your travel partner ? Would love to know !!

Ishq de mere mitra ...


Ishq de mere mitra pehchaan ki
Mit jaye jadoon zid apnan di


Sachhe Pyar Ka Matlab, Usse Haasil Karna Nahin Hota.....